Ladies and gentlemen, for the next ten seconds at least, you're watching Fast and Loose. On the show tonight:

and finally, would you please welcome your host, a man who sounds a lot like me, Hugh Dennis.


  • Speed Dating
    • Terrible things to say at a speed dating event
  • Weak Links
    • Host: Hugh
    • Justin - A right-wing bigot
    • Humphrey - A character from a British war movie
    • Laura - A clueless teenage girl
    • Marek - Turning into a werewolf
  • Interpretative Dance
    • Performers: David, with Pippa and Humphrey
    • Song: Carly Simon - "Your So Vain"
  • Early TV
    • Host: Hugh
    • Show: The Gerald Springer Program
  • 7-Up
    • Justin - Someone with a hormonal imbalance
    • Laura - Goldilocks
    • Marek and Greg - Bavarian twins
  • Sideways Scene
    • Performers: Pippa, Marek, and Justin
    • Scene: Amorous housewife Pippa is having her shower repaired by hunky plumber Justin, and jealous husband Marek returns
    • Styles: Kung Fu, Harry Potter, Musical

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