Ladies and gentlemen, for the next fifteen seconds at least, you're watching Fast and Loose. On the show tonight:
- The Danes hate to see him go, Justin Edwards
- Is this a dagger I see before me, no it's Laura Solon
- Over from America to discuss East-West trade initiatives, Wayne Brady
- He's banned from seven European countries, Jonathan Mangum
- She's still drunk from New Year, Jess Ransom
- He can't even spell his own name, Humphrey Ker
and finally, would you please welcome your host, a man who sounds a lot like me, Hugh Dennis.
- Weak Links
- Host: Hugh
- Justin - An increasingly-drunk bride's father
- Laura - A call-center worker
- Humphrey - Braveheart
- Wayne - A miracle-working evangelist
- Forward Rewind
- Performers: Wayne, Jonathan, Jess, and Humphrey
- Scene: Wayne and Jonathan are Indiana Jones and his sidekick breaking into a booby-trapped tomb, Jess is Indy's love interest, Humphrey is a giant angry zombie who turns up later
- Interpretative Dance
- Performers: David, with Jess and Laura
- Song: The Troggs - "Love Is All Around"
- Double Speak
- Laura and Jess - A woman who's just had plastic surgery
- Wayne and Jonathan - The bitchy plastic surgeon
- Justin and Humphrey - The husband of the woman having plastic surgery
- Interviewer: Hugh
- Party Time
- The most pretentious thing you can think of
- Sideways Scene
- Performers: Justin, Wayne, and Jonathan
- Scene: Justin and Jonathan are two inept handymen rewiring a house, Wayne is the bad-tempered homeowner who comes to fire them
- Styles: Western, Toy Story, Gymnastic display
- First playing of "Forward Rewind" and "Two-Headed Expert"
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